Billboard Chart Sonnets: #5 and #36

Updated: Feb 6

by C. Van Dyke

Note from Brioche and The Satyr Herd:

A huge thanks to C. Van Dyke, who not only contributed these fantastic and creative sonnets, but also donated his entire contribution fee to the Nina Pop Mental Health Recovery Fund by The Okra Project, a collective supporting and providing resources to Black trans people. The site is linked if you're interested in donating!

I, uh, don't know how copyright works in terms of including the original lyrics, but for now we'll include it unless we find out it's a big no-no. We're still a newish website, so we live and we learn.

Without further ado, we bring you: Billboard Chart Sonnets: #5 and #36.



When first I gazed ‘pon thee with ardant sighs

‘Twas as if the stallions of Helios

Traversed the arc of heav’n in thy eyes,

O’re arching all us mortals here below.

In troth, I half believed it thee who sent

Diane her silvered orb, and etched the stars

In constellated form, and e’re left rent

The endless night by c’lestial fires afar.

And when the twin-red roses of my lips

First touched thine, the expansive globe trembled

As if the fluttered pulse I held betwixt

Mine fingers that of a wren resembled.

Ah! That first moment I espied thy trace,

Thy visage, thy aspect, thy mask, thy face.


The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the endless skies, my love

To the dark and the endless skies

And the first time ever I kissed your mouth

I felt the earth move in my hand

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command, my love

That was there at my command, my love

The first time ever I saw your face

Your face

Your face

Your face


IN DA CLUB (50 Cent, 2003)

Dance! Dance! Make light thy feet, my fairest maid!

Tis the anniversary of thy birth!

A toast, with golden tokay, shall be made.

Tis not thy birthday -- that t’was but mirth.

Thy can find me within the public house

Drowning time with the nectar of Bacchus

Sweet maid! But whisper desire with thy mouth

And I obey, though callous fools taunt us.

Dionysus doth set my heart aflame,

Quicken within me most insistent need,

The softer arts of Aphrodite’s name

Hold not the urgent draw I feel t’ward thee.

I pray thee, enfold me in thy fair arms

If thy woulds’t welcome my most ardent charms.


Go, go, go, go go, go, go, shawty

It's your birthday

We gon' party like it's yo birthday

We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday

And you know we don't give a fuck

It's not your birthday!

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub

Look mami I got the X if you into taking drugs

I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love

So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed

About C. Van Dyke

Chris Vandyke was born in 1979 and spent the first 16 years of his life in the small coastal town of Gold Beach, Oregon. Since 2002 has been a High School English Teacher in the New York City Public School System, which is, needless to say, somewhat different than his hometown. He lives in Brooklyn with his partner, two children, and a menagerie of animals.

Chris's current project is an upcoming weird-fiction anthology. Learn more at, and you can find more of his work at his website here!

Follow him on Twitter @aboutrunning.

#music #humor #shakespeare #sonnet


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