Okay, But to Play Devil’s Advocate, Some Good Can Come From Unleashing a Zombie Apocalypse on Africa

Updated: Mar 16, 2020

by Bryanna Gary

I know it sounds bad, but you know what would be worse? Being biased, that's what.

Yeah, this is fine.

Now I know a lot of the people who have read my past opinion pieces see me as some sort of extremist. But actually, I consider myself a pretty staunch centrist. I think the Humanity Party and the Pro Apocalypse Party are two sides of the same extremist coin. Advocating for the slow, chaotic, and painful apocalyptic end to society as we know it is extreme and inhumane, just like protesting against people for having dissenting opinions is extreme and inhumane, even if that opinion is the complete erasure of civilization. You can’t silence people’s opinions just because you dislike them.

You might be thinking, “It’s impossible to be a centrist in a situation like this. You have to pick a side”, but that’s just not true. It’s the mainstream media that’s trying to stifle free thought and force us to conform to these two extremes, and the truth is that the true answer is always in the middle.

That’s why I chose not to judge too harshly when the PAP released a zombie virus in Tanzania, resulting in the slow and painful death and reanimation of millions of people.

It’s not that I think it’s not bad to commit biological genocide and mass necromancy. It’s just that I think the PAP are expressing themselves the best way they know how to, and who are we to tell them how they can and can’t express themselves? If wiping out an African nation is the price we have to pay to ensure that everyone can speak their minds freely, then isn’t it a price worth paying?

But again, I’m not and have never been a part of the PAP. I think they’re extremists, too. In fact, I was one of the most outspoken opponents of their proposal to release the shadow demons on Washington, and I’ll always speak out against them when they go too far in their rhetoric. But although I disapprove of what they say, I will defend to the death their right to say it.

The Great Zombification in Tanzania was a compromise. The Humanity Party spoke out vehemently against PAP presence in America, so PAP agreed to just bring about the apocalypse in Africa instead. They compromised. Yet it’s the Humanity Party that’s still complaining. I wonder why that is? Could it be because they’re angry that they didn’t completely get what they wanted, so they’re lashing out even though unleashing a zombie apocalypse in Africa wasn’t the same thing as releasing shadow demons on Washington, like the PAP originally wanted to do? You don’t see the Pro Apocalypse Party complaining even though things didn’t exactly go their way, do you? No. And that’s why I can never side with the Humanity Party. They don’t believe in compromise, and that’s a dangerous precedent to set. Next thing you know, they’ll be committing genocide against those who disagree with them.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I would rather not allow my country to become complicit in the genocidal behavior of an entire political party. This is why compromise is important, and while both sides are bad, the Humanity Party is infinitely worse for refusing that compromise.

A lot of people have been criticizing me for wearing a PAP robe at a PAP rally in Washington on Friday. But what most people don't know is that I wore the robe to protest the Humanity Party’s atrocious behavior in handling this situation. I am not and never have been an actual member of the PAP. But you know what? At the end of the day, we’re all Americans. We all have our beliefs. What's important is that we never set a precedent where it's okay to stifle those beliefs, no matter how much we disagree with them.

I know I'll continue to get a lot of backlash for this, but I stand by my beliefs. That's the only reason why I took a paycheck from the PAP to write this think-piece supporting their decision to nuke Tanzania. It's not for the money. It's for the principle.

I hope I've helped to clarify this whole situation. I know the free-speech hating HP supporters will still be hounding me for this (God forbid there's someone with a platform who doesn't agree with them), but my beliefs are unshakeable and I won't compromise them for anything. Unless it's more than what PAP paid me. Then I might consider it.

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